19 years ago – It doesn’t even seem that long and yet it seems like a lifetime ago. One moment 19 years ago at this time of year was when I drove my son four states away to drop him off at a University.
If I knew then what I know now, what would I do differently? I don’t know. I don’t live with thoughts of regret over anything in my life. Instead, I like to look at it as a lesson to be learned. What lesson can be learned from this pivotal event in my life?
ONE MOMENT
There is a belief that all change happens over time and in one sense it does: Divorce; Birth; Wedding; New Home; Death and every other significant event in our lives. These milestone events in our life include planning, coaching, counseling, etc.
HOWEVER…the real change happens in that ONE MOMENT.
“ALL Change Happens in a Moment”
– Tony Robbins
“I am Not Your Guru”
What Can Be Different in One Moment?
I had never given much thought to that one moment. Of course there was planning and the usual busy running around doing this or that to prepare for it, yet now as I reflect on it and actually see what changed, I see how I could have made it easier on myself all those years afterwards.
Things are never the same from that one moment on. Think about it. Once the divorce papers are signed. It’s final so no matter how much a person thinks they are prepared for it, things are completely different now.
The baby’s room is all prepped up with furniture and clothing and yet upon the baby’s arrival your sleep will never be the same.
Buying the house is just the first step to many responsibilities connected to that event. In that one moment you become a homeowner with a multitude of new tasks coming your way.
Sadness
I lived a life where I put my focus on the positive. I avoided sadness as much as I could. And then my ONE MOMENT hit.
As I was on my way home 19 years ago from dropping my son off to his new life, I felt my eyes fill with deep tears. That was only the beginning.
I knew I was going to miss him, the way he shared stories about what was going on in his life; his sense of humor especially since I tend to be of a serious nature; his depth of knowledge on a wide array of topics; and mostly his kindness that he easily displayed when he was around the elderly.
People used to always comment to me how my eyes lit up brilliantly whenever my son would walk in the door. He was the light of my life. Deep down inside I knew that things were changing.
Yes, I am still his mother and he is still my son however, the importance in each other’s lives has changed dramatically. Most everyone else in my world told me that is the way it is when our children grow up, the way it ‘should be’ but that didn’t make it any easier.
Lesson Learned
Everything does change in that ONE MOMENT. Since that One Moment my life has never been the same. Not even close.
We learn, we live, we move on. What would I change? Nothing. I am who I am today because of all of my experiences in my life. These have shaped me into the being that I am today and I am proud of how far I have come.
My number goal for as long as I can remember was in search of ‘happiness’. I have finally realized that it is within me no matter what is going on in my outer world… I can have control of how I FEEL about what is happening.
We ALL have that within us. We can remember the past without dwelling on it because we can not ‘will’ it to be like it was.
Tell me, what ONE MOMENT has made the biggest impact on your life and how has it made you who you are today? Please share. I do care.
It would be a pleasure to share a Skype visit with you to discuss any questions you might have.
Honestly, Elda, there are so many moments, it wouldn’t be right to restrict it to one. I will say, the moments I tend to remember most vividly are the challenging ones. I suppose those are the ones where we experience the most growth. Hope you still have a good relationship with your son. Thanks for sharing. You offer ideas that are always good to ponder.
Nanette Levin recently posted…Marketing is not a dirty word
You’re right, Nanette! There are many moments. Maybe some of us focus more on than the others. I think Tony Robbins was trying to get us to think about how everything changes so instantly instead of like we think it drags on, because many times it’s about that final decision.
Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it.
Like Nanette, I would be hard pressed to name ONE moment Elda. And I think I perhaps what you’re talking about isn’t really just a moment. I think it may be more helpful to understand these times as when we significantly re-define (and not necessarily through our own choice) roles we have held. Especially roles we feel have defined us, when shifted, cause ripples that feel like the rip the very core of our universe.
The fact that you know that happiness is always solely within you is such a huge understanding Elda. No matter what happens, we always have this – and it is a most fabulous gift indeed.
Deborah Weber recently posted…Random Musing: L is for…
You stated it so eloquently and perfectly, Deborah. Yes, that is the point I was trying to get across. I truly appreciate you helping me with that!!!
many many moments … but the one that was a surprise pop into my consciousness was living in Germany for a year with my husband and toddler daughter 45 years ago. My feelings of independence and defiance to expected rules and ways of being laid the foundation for the curious and confident woman I am today. Thanks for reminding me of that , Elda. Another pearl of wisdom added to my life gems. And that video….I loved it! I passed it on and know my golf loving family will appreciate it. Thank You!
Mary Welch recently posted…Serendipitous Moments!
Ooooh, sounds like a very interesting story…living in Germany with expected rules. Can’t wait to have you share that with me!
So glad you appreciate the extra tidbits I add to my newsletter subscribers!! Thanks for acknowledging that.
Thank you for sharing your heart and wisdom with us, Elda. There are many singular moments in my life that have shaped me into the person I am today. I’d say the most recent was the moment I was told by the ultrasound technician that my baby didn’t have a heartbeat. All it takes is one moment to shift everything you *thought* your life was about to become. Lots of lessons learned in this experience. And I agree that there is always happiness to be found within you if you set an intention to find it, but what I’ve learned is that you must also honor the other emotions you find yourself in too.
Kristina Fortune recently posted…5 Sneaky Excuses That Keep Us From Blogging
Bravo to you for honoring all of the emotions you find yourself in, Kristina! That is such a critical step for us to get through any situation.
Sending you much love and compassion for your loss.
Wonderful article Elda. Thanks for sharing something so personal and the one moment that changed everything for you.
Many moments of course throughout my life that have changed things for me. The biggest one was when my husband of almost 21 years, the father of our two children, left me for a 27 year old on 9/11.
I thought my life and the world as I knew it had ended. Yes, my world as I knew it, but not my life.
As time went on, now almost 15 years later, I see how it was truly a gift, that he left me. I would not be who I am today and as happy and at peace if he wouldn’t have left.
I am free to be who I am, I am a coach now, sharing with others ways to move through some tough times and come out more joyful than they every dreamed!
Plus through a personal growth class I took in 2004 to help me heal, I met Hale, my love, who is a wonderful person. I am happier than I have every been!
Many blessings to you my friend!~
Connie Hertz recently posted…Life’s Irritations
Many ‘moments’… and as we reflect on each of them, how incredible that now we are able to see them as the ‘gifts’ that they were meant to be for us!
Thank you for sharing, Connie.