Have you ever had someone describe you in a certain way and you look surprised and say, “What me? No, that’s not me!”
That is exactly what happened to me recently when I opened up to the public like I have never done before in this recent blog post.
So many of the comments from people on the blog post called me brave and courageous. I was quite taken aback because never in my life have I described myself as one filled with courage.
Courage or being brave weren’t even words used in my vocabulary. I wonder why?
So… being the curious person I am and always wanting to learn in every way possible, I checked the dictionary for the definition to see if I was missing something.
Courage: the ability to do something that you know is difficult or dangerous
Brave: feeling or showing no fear; not afraid
Sharing my personal story… brave and courageous?!?
If NOT Brave And Courageous, Then What?
I guess for me, I was thinking about it as going beyond my comfort zone. I had spent so many years being a private person (even my friends knew very little about my personal life) so for me to share this much in a very public way was a big step out of my comfort zone.
Why do we do it?
Many times we discount the value that we have to offer others. When I thought deeper about it, this is exactly what I was doing by denying this was an action I knew was difficult for me, thus the definition of courage.
I have learned from this and I now accept it.
I am Brave. I have Courage.
Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying. “I will try again tomorrow.”
– Mary Anne Radmacher
Words I use to describe myself
Even though Courage or Brave were not words I have EVER used to describe myself, how I describe myself may or may not be how some people see me (many have mentioned they do see me the way I describe myself, yet I know full well that each person has their own perception of what they see).
I have strived to be the type of person with the qualities I yearned to receive as a child such as nurturing, caring, generous and with deep affection.
My number one goal in life for the past almost 2 decades has been to demonstrate compassion to each being I meet whether it is the checker at the grocery store, a close friend of mine, and especially the homeless person I see on the street corner.
When I find myself in a frustrating situation, I step back and ask myself, “How can I bring compassion to this scenario?”
ONE area in my life I was clearly not congruent
My family.
Yes. There was so much anger, hurt, avoidance, shame, guilt, and isolation that I was experiencing. All because of my various situations of estrangement and the emotions that were attached to these people and how I felt I was wronged.
Thankfully, through my healing process, I can now FEEL compassion towards these family members even though we are not really involved in each other’s lives.
For me, it was not necessarily about forcing each other to be an active part of each other’s lives. For me, it was about ‘letting go’ of those deep dark feelings I had towards them because of the hurt I felt they had imposed upon me.
Now, I can send them compassionate thoughts when I think of them.
Enjoy the song on this video. It touched my heart as it really reminds us…
“We Are One”! #withcompassion
How do you describe yourself? Is there some quality that you deny? Please share in the comments below.
It would be a pleasure to share a Skype visit with you to discuss any questions you might have.
Brave, courageous, compassionate – those are all apt descriptions of you Elda. Your willingness to both see and address what felt incongruent in your life, and your decision to share your story are beautiful examples of how everything is woven together. Your walking your talk, and your talking your walk. We are all whole, complex, and multi-faceted beings and the more we acknowledge the truth of who we are, the more we allow compassion to be a governing principle, the better off all of us are. Thank you for modeling this so genuinely.
And what a great video. We are indeed all one.
Deborah Weber recently posted…SOC 5: In the Heart Garden
Thank you for your kind words, Deborah. You have a way of sharing so eloquently such thoughtful comments. They make me really think. I always look forward to your comments!
Hi Elda,
I meant to comment on your original “coming out” post, but saw this so I will just comment on both here. Doing the work that you do, I can see that it is important to demonstrate the courage – yes, courage – that it takes to come out and talk about these very personal matters publicly. By doing so, you are not only facing your own fears about exposing yourself but you are in a much better place to help others to face their own fears too. Bravo!
Amy Putkonen recently posted…3 Things Thursday – July 9
Thanks for your comment Amy. One of the biggest reasons I did decide to reveal my story was so that people would know what type of understanding I have because of my own personal experiences. Thank you for your support!
You make me reflect on a conversation I recently had with someone in my DetectU course how people perceive our core energy in a different way than we do. As I mentioned in your original post, I believe that ‘compassionate truth’ suits you beautifully and when you’re living from that place, you do things that are brave and courageous…even if you wouldn’t call them that until someone else does. And then you realise that you are brave and courageous and good on you for owning that.
Tat recently posted…What I’ve learned from my children these school holidays
Thank you Tatiana for reinforcing the ‘compassionate truth’ aspect of me. It’s interesting how living from that place brings attention to the other qualities that were there, just not out in the limelight before. Great awareness!
Just think about where you once were, where you are right now, and where you will be in one years time with all your courage and bravery.
Yes, as all of us are continuously evolving, quiet reflection can be quite inspiring. Thank you so very much for your comment Eric!
I love your open honesty. You are brave and courageous. We do deny our own strengths don’t we. It seems somewhere in our being is a feeling that we are not allowed to do so. Yet how will we make a difference, or bring out the strengths in other people, if we don’t first acknowledge our own.
I am always being told I am inspiring. I shake it off each time and haven’t really acknowledged it. However yesterday I was awarded a certificate for ‘Inspiring member of the year’ now it is in writing, maybe it is time to stop denying 🙂
Kama recently posted…Your Creativity Doesn’t Belong in a Box
Congratulations Kama! You are inspiring, which is why I have missed you so much. Welcome back!
It’s interesting how there would be a connection in how we may make a difference for others and how we see ourselves.
Ever since I can remember, I have been all about doing my best to be of service to others so it’s a good thing I have been having so many awakenings. I acknowledge all that I have to offer. Thank you.
Elda, sharing such a personal story took great courage and bravery. I believe it was about something much deeper than stepping outside your comfort zone. You made yourself vulnerable in service of helping others. The work you are doing in the world is important and your clients are blessed to be working with you. Thanks for sharing from your heart Elda!
Nancy Jambor recently posted…Traveler or Tourist?
Giving from my heart has always been something that has come natural to me when I am with people one on one (clients or friends). With me opening up and allowing myself to be vulnerable as in my last post and this one, I am now seeing how it really does benefit others in a public setting also.
Thank you so much for your comment Nancy!
Hi Elda. I went back and read your original post and understand why folks are calling you brave and courageous. I salute you. By sharing your truths you have the potential to reach out and help so many. Whether they alert you by commenting here or not.
Kelly L McKenzie recently posted…My First Job? Next Slide, Please.
‘The potential’ to reach out and help so many. Those are the key words for me to remember. Having been extremely reticent for most of my life, I had wondered if I was now making a difference by publicly opening up.
You are exactly right about it not being about whether or not people comment on the post because for many years, I was one that was inspired by others but would only share that with a person in a private setting, not by responding on a public forum.
THANK YOU SO MUCH Kelly, for giving me the key words to remember!!!
I love this I keep a plaq on my wall that says..courage is to try again tomorrow.
Welcome Sacha! I love quotes so for each blog I try to include at least one. Sounds like a cool plaque you have on your wall. Thanks for sharing.
Dear Elda,
That was food for thought. It’s amazing to see how far you have come and I believe you have been courageous all the way. Hats off to you for telling your story and inspiring many of us. The courage quote is so apt.
It’s amazing how you can feel compassion to those who have wronged you but does that mean you forgive them? I can’t bring myself to forgive nor feel compassion. Infact, I don’t feel anything anymore.
Hema Unnoop recently posted…You Were Born With The Ability To Change Someone’s Life, Don’t Ever Waste It
I do understand where you are coming from when you say you don’t feel anything anymore, Hema. For many years, I held all of my emotions inside. I did not allow myself to get angry and I especially did not allow myself to cry even if I was home alone.
It was the thought that if I didn’t allow myself to feel anything then I could ignore it and not think about it when really all I was doing was burying those feelings deeper and deeper.
Before thinking about forgiving the other person, it’s important to learn to forgive oneself. Many times people beat themselves up for having these negative feelings when we try so hard to display love and positive energy.
We have all heard the saying ‘we need to love ourself before we can love others’. Well, we also need to forgive ourself and show compassion for ourself before we can even play with the idea of ‘forgiving’ another.
The best way to demonstrate compassion for oneself is to allow our emotions the freedom to be released.
Nurturing, caring, generous, deep affection, compassionate, brave and courageous are all beautiful qualities. Add also inspirational , you are inspiring others to be compassionate, courageous and to let go of toxic emotions. It is challenging and it takes courage and a broader perspective to go from feeling wronged to feeling compassionate.
Yudith,
Very valid points. Thank you for your comment and the inspirational quotes.
Elda