Ever notice that sometimes you can watch some action toward someone else that could be potentially offensive in a movie or a TV show and not feel anything negative about it but if it were to happen to YOU personally, it would throw you for a loop?
Why is that?
Here are some ideas to consider:
Back Story
In the movie, we get the ‘back story’ of what happened to this person that was leading up to the event that occurred.
Do you know what I mean? We saw who spoke to the person before they acted in a way that was unpleasant. We saw what physical experience they had with their health or their finances or if something happened to their car etc. Which in turn had them resort to unkind actions. So we find ourselves feeling for them and while we may not condone what they did, we understand it with a note of compassion for what they are going through.
Man on a train
Have you heard the story about how one person was so upset at this man who was allowing his children to be loud and obnoxious on the train? It was such a disturbance to everyone else on the train except the father in charge of the children! The father was totally oblivious to what was happening around him and how his children were behaving.
Once it was brought to his attention, he apologized profusely explaining that he just left the hospital where his wife had passed away. Here he was preoccupied as to how he was going to tell his kids. Now, that’s the ‘back story’.
Click below to watch a quick video with this similar thought.
“If we could see inside other’s hearts” (make sure to hit the back button to return to the blog post)
Our family and friends
What happens with the people closest around us? We THINK we know what they are feeling or experiencing because we may see them often or because they are family or close friends, we think we know every which way they are thinking or experiencing life.
Reality
If we were to be real about the situation, we would understand that maybe something happened to them at work or with someone else before the time we interacted with them. Or maybe they are harboring a secret from many years ago that is still hurting them.
Step Back
Why not try stepping back for a moment and taking a deep breath, a moment to collect our thoughts and demonstrate compassion for them the same way we do for a character in a movie.
Ask yourself, “If I truly knew the root of their pain and the reasons they act out, would I respond in this same manner? What if they are hiding their insecurities, fears, shames, or guilt?”
“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?”
-Henry David Thoreau
Compassion and Forgiveness
Might we be able to demonstrate compassion naturally in the moment? Could we forgive more freely without judgment?
This is not about allowing our selves to be taken advantage of or accepting abuse.
This is about being OPEN to the fact that “hurt people – hurt people” (quote from Jamie Lee Curtis) Click here to watch Jamie Lee Curtis -remember to click the back button to return here
Is there a place in your life that you can see things from a deeper perspective of “What if I don’t know how they are feeling?” Please share your thoughts in the comments.
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What a great post! The story of the guy on the train is something to remember. You honestly don’t know what the other person is going through that causes certain behavior. We should all try to be compassionate and thing before pointing fingers at someone else.
That story of the guy on a train was in a book I read many years ago and it has always stayed with me. Thanks so much for your comment Vickie.
Great post indeed Elda. And such a clear call to walk through our lives with compassion and loving-kindness radiating to all around us. We truly don’t know what others are experiencing, but there’s always room for a gentle love blessing.
Deborah Weber recently posted…A Pointed Comment
Oooh, I like that phrase ‘gentle love blessing’ Deborah! Thanks for sharing.
I think sometimes we are blinded when it comes to understanding those closest to us. We make assumptions about their world that are incorrectly based on our proximity, but are often wrong! You make some very good points here. I think that it is always good to try and imagine or, better yet, ASK about the other person’s reasons and viewpoints. Curiosity is a very good thing when it comes to our closest people.
Thanks, I appreciate your comment Amy. Asking can be a good step into finding out what is behind it all as long as they are ready to share.
Wrong link to my blog! 🙂
Amy Putkonen recently posted…Happy Chinese New Year: Three Goats Bring Harmony
I love this article. It reminds me of that quote…something about being mindful of others who might have been mean to you because you never know what they might be going through. It’s so valuable to look at the big picture.
Michele Bergh recently posted…Does Your Blog Have an Elevator Pitch?
You are so right on Michelle. And sometimes we really don’t have a clue to what the big picture is from their lens. Thanks for the comment.
It takes a lot of heart and determination to find compassion and forgiveness. I know for myself that when I feel I’ve been mistreated, last thing I want to do is to understand and forgive, even though it’s the best thing I could possibly do for everybody (including myself).
Tat recently posted…How unplugging can make your time online more meaningful
It’s very interesting that you were able to decipher that it CAN be beneficial for us to understand and forgive. A lot of times, we can’t see it that way. What a great share that is Tatiana. Thank you so much for your honesty!
Elda, this is so insightful. We all need to stop for a moment to think about what someone else might be going through without making quick judgements. Love the example of the guy on the train. Thanks for sharing.
Sue recently posted…Comment on Ride on by Michele Bergh
Thanks for visiting Sue. Yes, in our busy lives, it can be very beneficial to stop for a moment to think without making quick judgments.
What a powerful video, “If we could see inside each other’s hearts”! I’m learning, when interacting with others, to stop, deep breathe, and look at them with God’s Love. It is often a challenge to ‘let go’ of judgement, and to not quickly react in our interactions with others. What a wonderful world this would be if we would always treat one another with compassion and love. Thank you, Elda, for another amazingly thought-provoking post!
It’s nice to hear that the video resonated with you Joyce. I agree with your comment, “What a wonderful world this would be…” Thank you so much for your comment.
I think that knowing the genre of the story helps too. If you know going in that it’s a romantic comedy, then the obnoxious way the male character is acting towards the female lead is clearly not because he’s a horrible person, and it will be fixed by the end of the book/movie/episode.
SKJAM! recently posted…Book Review: Life Learned Abroad: Lessons on Humanity from China
Thanks for the visit Scott. Your comment made me smile!