It’s that time of year again. Everywhere you look, in your email box, on FB, at the mall, on TV commercials, social occasions, etc. EVERYONE is talking about Mother’s Day.

 

Other than turning yourself into a hermit in order to avoid the mass exposure to this day, what’s a person to do if they don’t have contact with a child?

 

Here are 9 Tips To Survive The Dreaded Mother’s Day Holiday

 

1-Take note when to utilize an exit strategy

If you are at a large gathering and the group you happen to be standing with starts going on and on about their children and grandchildren, excuse yourself to go to the restroom. When returning from the restroom, look around the room for another group to stand and chat with.

Only YOU know your own inner limits. Each person’s breaking point is different. Respect where you are at this point in time.

 

2-Keep your answers short

By chance if you don’t see it coming while you are at work or somewhere else and the conversation suddenly takes a turn and someone outwardly asks you, “So what are you doing on Mother’s Day?” or something similar… just answer respectfully and briefly. You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation. Once you have given your quick, vague response turn to someone else in the group and redirect the conversation away from you and hopefully away from the topic.

Being vague like, “His job and family keep him really busy so we haven’t spoken recently”… is enough information to hand out. It’s none of their business WHEN the last time you spoke was.

 

3-Associate with people that don’t put emphasis on this

You know how some people talk all the time about their religion or their obsession with a certain sports team or maybe a certain politician? If you do not have this same interest with them and you know darn well that every single time you see them they are going to go on and on about that topic…do you still make a point of spending much time with them? Think it’s safe to answer, probably not.

It would be the same about gathering with people that you know will be going on and on about their children and grandchildren and all of their accomplishments when you know that it will affect you in a certain way. They wish you could be happy for them. You wish you could be happy for them.

For you, if you are not at that place right now to be genuinely happy for them, then look elsewhere.

Opening up the wounds each time you’re around those certain people is not good for them (because they have a right to be proud of their good relationship with their children and grandchildren) AND it is especially not good for your own healing process.

There are other people out there to connect with that have some similar interests that you have, make an effort to find them.

 

4-Others are doing the best they know how

When someone inadvertently makes an insensitive comment or their eyes widen out of shock, remember this is about them not about you. Unless they are in your shoes, no one can understand what you personally are going through.

To some, offering words of comfort like, “Of course he thinks about you!” or even “She’ll come around in time, she’s young” or “Have you tried to contact him?” seems like the right thing for them to say because they don’t know any better. Period. They don’t realize how much those words hurt. They haven’t lived what you have gone through.

Even other mothers who also are estranged from their offspring may be at a different part of their journey, so keep in mind that every one is doing the best they know how at this moment.

 

5-Skip through the nonsense

A person can’t put their whole life on hold and stop listening to the radio in the car or watching TV or reading Facebook. However, a person doesn’t to need to torture oneself by reading or listening to the information. Try to only watch TV if you can record it so that you can fast forward through those loving Mother’s Day commercials. If you are on Facebook or Pinterest etc., scroll quickly past those items that ‘push your buttons’. Change the radio station. Do whatever you need to do in order to avoid dwelling on the topic.

 

“Promise me you’ll always remember…

You’re BRAVER than you believe,

and STRONGER than you seem,

and SMARTER than you think.”

    -Christopher Robin to Pooh

 

6-Surround yourself with those that truly love you

There’s no reason to punish yourself by waiting for the call you WISH for. There are plenty of people out there that love you the way you are.

Do you have other children or a spouse that could use the extra attention? How about a close friend?

Allow those people to shower you with their love. Spend quality time with them building wonderful memories with those that want to share their love with you. You will be making them and yourself very happy you made that decision. Make their day, in turn they can make your day!

 

7-Find out what brings you JOY

What brings you joy? Sometimes this is a hard question to answer. I remember when I was asked this question as an icebreaker at an out of town work event. I was stumped.

This was years ago when I was in the beginning stages of my dealing with this. All I could muster up to say was, “I don’t know what I like but I can tell you what my son’s favorite….” Everyone laughed, however for me it was a huge eye opener that as a single mom, my whole life was devoted to him and my career so I didn’t take the time to develop my own passions or hobbies.

Get out there and explore. Find what lights you up.

 

8-Create your own rituals

Once you have completed #7, this will prepare you for this tip #8.

For each holiday, we can create a new ritual that takes our mind off of the date on the calendar that seems to be special for everyone else. We can make it into our own special day to look forward to.

Take your mind off of the ‘holiday’. Do something special for someone else or even yourself. Some people are skeptical about this. Try it. It really does work.

Once we create NEW rituals or traditions, it can help us actually look forward to the special day because we have created new meaning to that date. It’s now OUR day to do the things that make us feel good.

 

9-See the gift in it all

We were gifted the opportunity to bear this child. Giving birth doesn’t mean we own them or that they owe us anything. Raising them was a period of time where we did the best we could and now we are to understand that they are doing the best they can.

Unfortunately, it may not include us in their life. Does this negate all the good that happened in the past? No. We can choose to let go of our negative emotions and move forward.

Life doesn’t revolve around just one person. Live in this moment. Right here. Right now. What can you do to change this moment? Are you ready to heal?

If you are interested in gaining support through a ‘secret’ Facebook group for mothers estranged from a child, please send me a request via the pop-up screen on this website. This is by invitation only. You will not be able to see the group when searching for it on FB unless you are already in the group.

 

What do you do to get yourself through the Mother’s Day holiday? Might one of these tips have resonated with you? Please share in the comments below.

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