How many times after a family event have you said that to yourself? Did someone do something at this special family occasion that really got under your skin? In your eyes, did they spoil the whole thing for you?
What if we were to really know them and what makes them tick? Might this make a difference?
Think about a time that you have felt deep feelings about someone so much so that it seems that nothing this person does could ever be wrong.
How could we implement that idea into this family member that is getting on our nerves?
We may think that love is something that happens to us. (think of falling in love when we least expect it) What if we look at love as an action? An action where what matters most to the other person also matters to us.
Here are two examples:
36 Questions That Lead To Love
There is this quiz that gained a lot of buzz around how you could possibly fall in love with a stranger just by answering 36 questions (click here to read the questions and be sure to click the back button to return to this post) and then after answering each of the questions you gaze into each others eyes in silence. (The study showed that people did end up getting married from doing this quiz)
I can hear it already, you ask yourself,
“What does knowing the answer to question # 4 (What would constitute a ‘perfect’ day for you?) have to do with my relationship with _____ in my family who I can’t stand right now?”
Or perhaps you ask yourself, “ How will me knowing the answer to #18 (What is your most terrible memory?) help me get along better with ____?”
“Really?” you say to yourself, “What if I don’t CARE what their answer to #32 is?” (What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?)
You see, that is the whole point.
“The greatest need of a human being is to be understood, validated and appreciated.”
– Stephen Covey
In order for us to expect others to care about us, it just might be helpful for us to care about allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to let them share with us and be open about what matters most to them.
The second example is:
The 5 Love Languages
This has been offered in a variety of books since the 90’s. (Click here to take the free online quiz- remember to hit the back button to come back here) The concept goes like this:
In order to feel loved or appreciated there are 5 areas people fall into. If we can figure out what ‘love language’ is important to the people in our life, then we can figure out how to really reach them and vice versa. By us being aware of how others feel appreciated, we can more easily demonstrate good towards them.
Remember the time you told someone ”Hey, great job at …..” and it seemed like they didn’t appreciate that you made the effort to notice them? Well, what if their love language is physical touch and what would have meant more to them might have been a high five, a handshake, a pat on the back or even a hug? (depending on the situation and who the person was)
Also, by others knowing what pleases us, they can more easily share their love in ways that are more meaningful to us.
Yes, we could say that we aren’t going to do it because they won’t reciprocate or the ‘why should I be the one to make the effort’?
Well, all there is to say is: It’s got to start somewhere. Why not be the first to make the effort?
Have you taken the 5 Love Languages quiz before? If not, click here to take it now.
I would love to hear what your Love Language is. Please share in the comments below.
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